Don't Serve Liver
(This piece can be sung to a tune that is amazingly similar to Ol' Man River. The ghosts of Jerome Kern and Oscar Hammerstein will probably haunt me!)

Paul Molyneux


VERSE 1

Honey, you know that I love you dearly.
But now that we're wed, my beloved wife,
Here's some advice offered quite sincerely
That will avoid untold pain and strife.
(refrain)

VERSE 2:

I can endure any nags or screaming.
But this one point I won't overlook.
I won't abide gastronomic scheming.
Keep this in mind when you plan to cook.
(refrain)

REFRAIN:

Don't serve liver—I don't like liver.
Can't think of nothin' that ain't disgustin'
'Bout eatin' liver. For meat, that stuff's bottom rung.

I just love turkey and lamb and 'possum;
And good prime beef makes my taste buds blossom,
But as for liver—it makes me wanna die young!

Years I've struggled, strained, and tried!
I just can't take it, baked or fried!
I'm taking charge! Avoid travail!
Press me any more... I swear I'll land in jail!

I get queasy when liver's fryin'
Please, call the doctor, I think I'm dyin'.
So don't serve liver; I'd rather cut off my tongue!

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