| There are two kinds of people in the world: Normals and Poets. Being a Poet's tough. After all, everyone knows there are two ways to clear a room in record time. One way is by shouting FIRE!"...usually illegal but effective nonetheless. The other way is to shout "POETRY READING!"...not illegal, although some think it should be due to the numbers of Normals trampled to death each year trying to reach an exit. Here's some of what Normals don't understand.
First, Normals wonder why Poets spend months, years fine-tuning a poem that
might be published, and for our efforts we might receive a six dollar
contributor's copy. And they certainly can't understand why Poets might shell out an additional twelve bucks for two extra copies. But Poets know three is a lucky number.
Poets, after all, are quite superstitious and Normals look askance at some
of our good luck rituals. When I mail off a poetry packet I must kiss the
envelope front and back, hold it high above my head, walk clockwise three
times around the mailbox while chanting three times "Go forth! Win!"
Others have more elaborate rituals. We make Normals nervous with our practices.
Nor do Normals understand why Poets squirm when asked how much we made on a
sale. At a recent cocktail party, where everyone tries to talk to people
with whom they have nothing in common, a couple of Normals were trying to
show how democratic they were by fraternizing with me. They asked about my
writing.
In an effort to impress, I answered that I recently got another poem published, hoping that would end it. It didn't. They grilled me and I
finally confessed I'd worked for months on a haiku and received one dollar
for it. (I didn't mention that getting two more copies of that journal cost
me sixteen bucks, two postage stamps, and a return envelope. They aren't
entitled know everything.)
Further, Normals know zilch about the art of collecting rejection slips,
which doesn't always mean our work's no good. They don't know that having
prestigious rejection slips lying around makes Poets look serious. It's
like name dropping, only more subtle and a lot more expensive. Plus, Poets
use prestigious rejections to console themselves when turned down at lesser
places by crooning softly, "Hey! I been throwed outta better joints than
this!" Besides, God wants us to receive rejection slips. It's part of His
Divine plan. Otherwise He wouldn't have invented the SASE. Normals just
don't know that.
But mainly, Normals don't understand our true goals. It's certainly not
money, but something else. Our real goal to have our work in every bathroom, lavatory, or outhouse in the world. Because we know that the shorter the reading material, the more likely it will be read while sitting on the throne. Our real desire is to spend time with royal throne sitters. Maybe now Normals will understand. Or maybe they never will. On second thought, I'm not sure I do either.
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