The phoenix is not a mythological creature! Our Native American ancestors knew this, but until recently, we have chosen to ignore their valuable knowledge. Their observations were correct, with one exception-the phoenix is not a unique subspecies of minute impact. It is, rather, a super-species that includes many of the life forms often of interest only to paleontologists. Recent appearances show that we are currently in an Astraljurassic period(3) that promises to redefine our entire age, and thereby prove the cyclical view of natural history.
My studies show that the North American Phoenix is one of many avian descendants of dinosaurs that should be enveloped under the more general term phoenix. This conclusion is based on first-hand observations since my discovery of several reincarnated Mesozoic mutations that thrive in our current culture. It is entirely consistent with the hypotheses of paleontologists wherein they proffer that all modern birds are direct descendants of the early reptilian forms.
I offer these findings to the scientific community at large so that, after careful evaluation of the data, some consensus may be reached for the establishment of an interdisciplinary database so necessary for understanding the evolutionary forces which manifest themselves in our present day.
Once I had mastered the basic identification techniques, building a dossier on the several varieties became a simple but time-consuming task. As data continues to proliferate, a suitable program of management can be adopted to avoid overpopulation by these potentially devastating astralreptiloids.(4)
I feel compelled to give public thanks to colleagues from other disciplines for their invaluable assistance in understanding the basic tenets outside the confines of pure science. I have often been criticized for making use of those fields that allow non-physical data as constructs for proof. I justify their inclusion for the following reasons: the data are observable and measurable; their results have become predictable; all experiments may be repeated at will with concurring results; the present subjects defy limitation to the physical senses. I borrow the famous quotation, "It's a whole 'nother ball game!"(5)
First, some general observations:
1. I have named several of these creatures for the convenience of classification, but refer to them collectively as phoenosauri.
2. These creatures have returned on a non-physical level for several reasons, not the least of which is because mankind's prowess in physical matters has developed beyond the powers of their brute strength. Reestablishing their dominance must spring from a spiritual or emotional plane where humans have not gained sufficient insight for control.
3. The creatures in question do not hide in dark crevasses in remote areas of the planet. They boldly compete for the habitat of humans. The prevalent attempts to discount the evidence of their existence or to relegate it purely to the domain of mental disorders signifies the lack of understanding for what lies right under our very noses.
4. While the phoenix of American folklore gave itself rebirth through self-immolation, other relatives pass through natural physical death before the reincarnation. The rebirth process can be delayed by years, generations, even centuries, depending on the species in question.
5. The American Phoenix cloned itself. The other species reappear, after great metamorphosis, on an astral or spiritual plane. Because these "from ashes" creatures have astral bodies, they depend on human emotions for their food supply. The "pure" sciences must shed their exclusionary attitudes towards the more cerebral disciplines which offer so much aid in advancing knowledge in the late twentieth century.
6. While the astral plane supersedes the need for a physical body, the existence of these beasts is no less provable because of the vast amounts of evidence left in the wake of their activities.
The following is a more specific listing of the observed phoenosauri and distinguishing characteristics of each:(6)Phoenosaurus Tempusdominus
This giant herbivore is generally docile and seldom prone to aggressive behavior patterns. While its ancestor, Brachiosaurus, consumed huge volumes of vegetation, p. tempusdominus consumes great blocks of time to sate its astral hunger. Its preferred habitat is among dense populations of humans, especially communities where daily living has placed inordinate demands on individuals' time. This monster causes great suffering by depriving entire societies of the necessary time to maintain their hectic, flooded lifestyles. There is never enough time to go around and humans affected by the presence of p. tempusdominus rush from place to place in vain efforts to complete daily tasks and maintain personal and societal commitments. Prolonged exposure causes extreme mental and emotional bankruptcy.
A close relative of p. tempusdominus, p. egomaniacoptus is green-skinned rather than brown. It has bright green eyes and an extremely agile tail that is equipped with large horny plates like its progenitor, Stegasaurus. Since its preferred habitat is inside a human host, it is quite possible that this is the green-eyed monster to which our progenitors have referred for countless generations.
Unlike its ancestor, p. egomaniacoptus is an omnivore. It begins life as a tiny parasite and moves to feeding areas while buried within a host. The specific diet of choice consists of greed, envy, and egotism.(7) As it consumes the food supply generated by its host, it grows to staggering proportions. Seldom an aggressor, it does become vicious in defense of itself and its habitat. When a human which is not infected with this parasite moves into its territory, it turns its back and wreaks havoc with its strong, armored tail, which comprises forty percent of its total bulk. Usually the battle results in humans, because of their inclination to self-preservation, giving the beast and its host free reign in whatever space it chooses.
Once p. egomaniacoptus reaches maturity, it becomes exclusively carnivorous, consuming its now unnecessary host. Humans falling prey to p. egomaniacoptus become wraiths, stripped of normal social emotions and interpersonal skills. They perceive their every action and desire as perfect. The beast then roams freely, as a predator, inside the empty shell of its host and infecting large numbers of humans with its offspring.
This is an astral descendant of Oviraptor. The smallest of the observable neo-phoenixes, it is about the size of a human. The most elusive and mysterious of all known phoenosauri, we know as little about p. harassum as we know about its ancestor. This "pest" has no preferred habitat and thrives in any environment. It travels in packs and makes its appearances in guerrilla-like spurts. To date, information on the diet of p. harassum is inconclusive, but recent observations point to human anxiety as a highly desirable delicacy. They attack, yet never kill. Using their toothless beaks, they peck and agitate, creating total pandemonium and leaving the aforementioned nutrients exposed for quick ingestion.
Escape from their attacks is nearly impossible. Running on powerful hind legs, these hit-and-run specialists are capable of maintaining speeds of 60 mph for extended periods of time. Without warning, they disappear, leaving their victims wounded, confused, and helpless which produces an abundance of the "anxiety" food, for which the beasts return whenever hunger strikes. Humans affected by p. harrassum usually are committed to sanitariums and other more complex mental institutions. Death, in the relatively few instances it occurs, is by the victim's own panic.
Tyrannosaurus Rex reincarnated! P. megacorporoptus is a deadly, insatiable carnivore. Though this phoenosaurus does not have the bulk of p. tempusdominus or p. egomaniacoptus, it stands taller than any man-made structure on earth. It's head is often in the clouds. While it feeds readily on any type of greed, the diet of choice is greed of the commercial variety. With any appreciable proliferation, this beast could well be the undoing of civilization.
Always a loner, it ranges the entire planet, devouring any business activity that comes within reach. Lacking in optic acuity, including foresight and hindsight, it senses its prey by astonishingly keen olfactory senses. While it is indiscriminate regarding the source of its food, it shows a strong preference for ingesting entire organizations at one feeding. Pillaging without regard to species, it is never satisfied. The more it eats, the greater its hunger. (N.B. It is common for p. megacorporoptus to become cannibalistic when another of its own species strays near.)
Other than eating, the only observed habit of this monster is sexual aggressiveness.(8) Its appetite for sex rivals its desire for food. As this monster forges through all barriers, it rapes every being in its path, leaving its victims totally incapacitated or dead. Many times, when attempting the conquest of a particularly stand-offish partner, p. megacorporoptus will feign a docile attitude until the victim exhibits signs of cooperation. Then, suddenly, it ravishes the unsuspecting partner and consumes it immediately afterward. P. megacorporoptus is the only phoenosaurus whose reproductive habits have been observed. The female lays one to three eggs wherever she happens to be when the eggs are ready.(9) The eggs hatch in three to five days, depending on the availability of heat from corporate activity. Baby megacorporopti begin immediate competition with the adults for power. A new clutch of eggs is laid every few days. No maternal or paternal instinct is evident. This is fortunate because, currently, our only hope of defense lies in discovering the nests and destroying the eggs.
Another major problem with p. megacorporoptus is its waste. Fecal material from just one of these creatures, on one day, may surpass 5,000 steres. Current sanitation methods are ineffective. The dung is so acidic that it is worthless as fertilizer and landfills are neither large enough nor plentiful enough to contain the mass.(10) Health departments operate in a state of panic because of the potential for widespread epidemics from the buildup. Mere contact with the droppings invariably results in permanent contamination signified by a strange Jekyll/Hyde transformation of the infected organism into a newly catalogued species, p. entreprenaurus. In this form, humans behave as miniature megacorporopti, which attracts the genuine beasts and results in the rape and annihilation of the entreprenauri.
While the data presented in this discourse comprises less than five percent of recorded observations, one can readily conclude the potential dangers of phoenosauri. It is my considered opinion that planet Earth is in the most precarious position of its long history. Our very survival depends on the elimination of these invaders. If they are allowed to multiply unchecked, our doom is certain. I not only invite, but actively seek information and assistance from others. All verifiable facts are welcome whether they corroborate or dispute my initial findings. It is my greatest desire that many of my colleagues will join me in my research to protect humankind from annihilation.