LL: Rarely does a new publication spark such controversy as the recent release of The Bottom of the Barrel. Our guest is Claude Grubber, editor and publisher of that magazine. Thank you, Mr. Grubber, for allowing us to examine your magazine.

GRUBBER: Thank you. it's good to be here. By the way, we like to refer to The Bottom of the Barrel as BOB. It's easier to say and it's got a pleasant, personal ring.

LL: Is there really a market for bad writing?

GRUBBER: The truth is most people don't know the difference. We can thank many of our high school literature teachers for that. They made the study of good literature so boring that, as the students reach adulthood, they actively avoid any type of good writing.

LL: Would you give us a profile of the typical BOB reader?

GRUBBER: Our readership is diverse homogeneity. They come from all walks of life and all ethnic groups with one thing in common-they're all stupid. BOB's readers either hate to read or want to feign literacy to their acquaintances. Subscribers range from Members of Congress to death row inmates. All our patrons exemplify perfect proof of the Peter Principle. Demographics show that BOB has worked its way into every social, political, and economic strata in the U.S. and in making inroads in seventeen foreign countries.

LL: If you could reduce the motives of BOB's critics to one word, what would it be?

GRUBBER: Jealousy-pure jealousy! I'm making a fortune in a field where most new ventures struggle, at best. They're all just mad because I've got what they don't have-money!

LL: What gave you the idea for a magazine like The Bottom of the Barrel?

GRUBBER: When I was trying to become a published writer, I requested guidelines from many magazines. Invariably, they contained directives like "we want well-crafted stories" and "we publish only the highest quality of fiction." That left me out in the cold. Throughout my life, I have worked hard to be different. And since we all know that bad writing is far more common than good writing, I thought I would cash in on it. Plus, I will never run short of publishable material. What can I say? I'm a rebel at heart.

We live in a society where perfection is rewarded, mediocrity is accepted, and ineptitude is shunned. This practice is prejudicial and discriminatory. Writers pour their hearts and souls into their work. It's not their fault if they have little of either to pour. BOB isn't concerned with quality or other such minutia, just the holistic aura of the publication. I like to call it OBE, or Outcome Based Entertainment.

LL: Wow, the NEA must love you! How did you arrive at the title, The Bottom of the Barrel?

GRUBBER: Well, I pondered several other titles, like Cream of the Crap and Quality Swill, but the Bottom of the Barrel just seemed to leap out at me. Besides, I was able to come up with a pretty snazzy-looking logo to go with it.

LL: As the editor/publisher of BOB, what is your background?

GRUBBER: I got my start-believe it or not-in finance. In the 1980's I was an instrumental financial advisor to several Ohio Savings & Loans that will remain nameless. After a sudden emergency forced me to leave the state, I found work in Washington DC. With my financial experience, certain friends immediately put me in charge of the House Bank. As a side job, I supervised procedures at the House Post Office. When that…er…ran its course, I moved to Arkansas and got involved in some real estate. Now that this real estate deal has…er…washed up, so to speak, I decided to try my hand at publishing.

LL: How often is BOB published?

GRUBBER: Well…let me get back to you on that one.

LL: What is your present circulation?

GRUBBER: Let's not hold BOB to a specific number right now. Let's just say that interest in BOB is growing.

LL: What can one expect to find in a typical issue?

GRUBBER: Don't let the current crop of fear-mongers sway you on this one. We have been heartlessly attacked by such dark forces as the Better Business Bureau, the IRS, Publisher's Weekly, Mothers Against Drunk Drivers, the Christian Coalition, Writer's Digest, the Moral Majority, the National Organization for Women, the Catholic Church, Rush Limbaugh, the ACLU, and the Chicago Manual of Style. The simple fact is that these pundits haven't really read and examined BOB. You will find that BOB's offerings are very entertaining.

LL: I noticed that the lead story in the premier issue is entitled "The Dark and Stormy Night." The first sentence is "It was a dark and stormy night." Isn't that a forbidden cliché?

GRUBBER: Hey! What other magazine would have the courage to try something like that? You'll never see a respectable rag go out on a limb with such a controversial line. We're breaking new ground in BOB. It's comments like yours that stigmatize us. If John Grisham's next book were named "It Was a Dark and Stormy Night," it would immediately shoot up to the #1 best seller. Don't pass judgment too quickly. I urge you to read on-find out what the subtext of this story really says.

LL: There are many spelling, grammar, and format errors in the premier copy I received. Is this a pre-production test run?

GRUBBER: It don't serve no purpose to start picking on such trivia. Didn't we just talk about the reason I invented BOB? You make us sound like liars-we publish everybody!

LL: There seems to be more advertising than copy. Is this a planned format, or is there a problem with getting material?

GRUBBER: I've already stated that there will never be a shortage of bad material. You must understand-this is a business venture. We need the funding. Don't let the content of the ads bother you. Remember, BOB does not necessarily share the views of its advertisers. Anyway, I know of plenty of other places where you'll see advertisements for psychic networks, snake oil, ointments to cure baldness, 1-900 date lines, jock itch formulas, and O.J. Simpson's video.

LL: What key elements make BOB purchase a manuscript?

GRUBBER: Ink (or graphite) and paper.

LL: Do you encourage submissions from fledgling writers?

GRUBBER: Buddy, we make a living on fledgling writers.

LL: What kinds of material do you need? What kinds of things do you need more of?

GRUBBER: Cash. Cold hard cash. We are looking for financial backers to branch out to other fields beyond a simple magazine. For example, we are looking into BOB CD-ROMS, major motion pictures, books, our own line of neckwear, action figures, posters, pajamas, underoos, toilet paper, stone geese, and, of course, 50-gallon storage barrels (with a copy of BOB at the bottom of each!). If your readers are interested, have them contact me. Also, sample copies of BOB are available for a fee. Since we don't know yet how much we need to charge for them, just send us a blank check-we'll put you on our Patron's List.

LL: What goals have you set for yourself and your magazine?

GRUBBER: For my magazine-let's just say my favorite movie is Mo' Money. For myself-to creatively pursue the goal for the magazine and to be assured of breathing for at least one more day.

LL: What is the prognosis for growth at The Bottom of the Barrel?

GRUBBER: Sticky.