Cellular Prison

Paul Molyneux

Besides editing Laughter Loaf, Paul does freelance humor, copy editing, and is currently working on a historical novel.

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Yep. I am with Aaron, as we speak. Hope everything goes well. I want it to be the first of many. What's that? No, he can't hear me. We're in line at Cardello's. I walked off so we could talk. Oops. Gotta put you on hold. Table's ready.

* * * * *

Still there? I gotta run. Dinner time.

Aaron. You wanna say "hi" to Jeannie?

Jeannie? He doesn't want to talk now. Crap, I've got another call coming in. Bye.

Hey. This's Marissa. Hi, Mr. Philmore. What's up?

You're kidding. That deal's been solid for two weeks. They can't change it now.

Aaron, Markison wants to up the ante on the time study.

Mr. Philmore, there's nothing we can do about it now. I'll tackle it first thing in the morning, okay? I'm on a date and the waiter is waiting for our order. That's not the kind of waiting that's in his job description. Okay, Okay. Bye.

Aaron, I'm so sorry. Poor baby, you look so bored. I can't believe he called me after hours.

Waiter, I'll have the filet, medium rare, with salad-dry-and baked potato-no butter, just sour cream. Oh, and coffee-decaf-with the meal.

There's that stupid phone again. You go ahead and order and watch how fast I get rid of this one. Then we can get on with a night to literally change history. No, I can't turn it off. It might be something important.

Hey. This's Marissa…Carrie, what's goin' on? You know I'm on a date…yes, with Aaron. I can't talk now.

They did what? No…she wouldn't do that! Well, what did he say? Really? Hang on.

Aaron, I'll be just a minute. Jim and Sarah have had a big fight and she got so mad that she threw her rings in the garbage disposal. Jim took off and Sarah's scared he'll do something weird.

Carrie? How bad is Sarah? Oh, gross. Call me the minute you hear anything. Love ya. Bye.

Aaron, you're so sweet to put up with all this. I'm so sorry. Here comes our food. I can think of a million things that will salvage the whole night, can't you? My filet's a little overcooked, how's your steak?

* * * * *

Aaron, give me that phone. Don't you dare turn it off. It might be an emergency…might be Philmore again. Thank you.

Hey. This's Marissa. Sarah! Slow down. I can't understand a word you're saying. Really? Jeez, you guys were always so lovey-dovey. What did you fight about? No way! You did what? Where did he go? Oh, no!

Jim wrecked his car, Aaron. He's okay, and the cops are bringing him home. Sarah's a wreck. She's my very best friend in the whole world and she needs to talk. I can't turn her down. You understand, don't you?

Sarah, hold on a minute. Aaron, this is going to be kinda private. I'll talk to her in the rest room. You won't be sorry for being patient. You're such a sweetie!

* * * * *

Hey, Jeannie. Marissa. Yes and no. Dinner's over and so is the date. I'm calling from a Midway cab. I know all you guys warned me, and I should have listened when you told me Aaron was a jerk.

Sarah called me. Needed to talk-you do know about the crash, don't you-good. Well, I couldn't just blow her off. Didn't want to go through all that in front of Aaron, so I headed to the girls' room.

I was only in there about twenty minutes. When I came back, Aaron wasn't at the table. I figured he got the call of nature, and sat down to work on my cold dinner. The waiter walks up and gives me this envelope with my name on it. The insensitive creep left me a note. Listen. I'll read it.

"I paid the tab. The fifteen bucks in this envelope is for cab fare. I'm going out and find a date. No need to leave the phone on for me. I won't be calling."


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