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Rebang

Don Arthur

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As near as I can tell the first 10 to 20 billion years of the universe were pretty easy to understand. This all changed apparently in 1915 with Einstein's General Theory of Relativity field equations that someone named Friedmann just had to solve and now we have to contend with the Big Bang theory. I shouldn't care really; everyone seems to be "ok" with it. For me, the really troublesome part is the instant just prior to the "bang". That moment just before the universe "hit the fan". It is unsettling for me to be accept a model of creation that explains all 10 to 20 billions years of this "busy", "realizing it's own potential" "self actualized", universe and not know how or what switched it on. It like watching that movie about that kid who sees ghosts but missing the fact that the guy he's talking to is dead. It's still entertaining, but there is a really important piece of information you haven't gotten and it is a very different flick with an incomprehensible ending.

More to the point how can we sure it won't happen again. I mean, what if we accidentally stumble across more of that "first thing" and knock it off the cosmic table. I mean we don't know what it was, so how do we know we don't have some of it laying around the house. Suddenly we are stuck with one universe to many. All well and good at first and a sure conversation starter when guests are over and then, all of sudden there's no longer any room for it in your junk drawer. Next thing you know you have young suns popping up all over the place and killing all the houseplants. Then it's only a matter of time before it's on the "web" and everybody bringing their universes to school and all you made was that baking soda volcano for the science fair.

Still, everything is all fun and games until they start getting big and are no longer cute. Then you are either flushing it down the toilet or abandoning it in the forest, you know, that old story. Try as you might at some point, something in there is going to become self-aware, come looking for you and wanting to ask you a bunch of difficult questions about the meaning of their existence. Meanwhile the games on TV and you're missing it. Needless to say, when that happens, you'll probably want to keep to yourself that the whole universe thing was sort of accident that you hadn't really thought through.

Not to mention the other stuff, that's going on in there. I mean between the Super Novas, Dark Matter and Neutron Stars; it's only a matter of time before it starts screwing up your life. Maybe it's only little things at first, like wormholes opening up and moving your house keys to some other room or distorting time and space, and suddenly the toilet has unflushed itself and the seat is up. But you just know at some point one of your pets is going "get into" the thing and be reduced to singularity in some black hole and then you'll never here the end of it. Of course it goes without saying, if you've got one of those infinitely expanding universes you are totally hosed and it's only a matter of time before the neighbors are start to complain and parking becomes a problem.

I guess that the take home message is to try to avoid creating a universe if you can. It is bound to take up a lot of your free time and strain relationships in ways you can't imagine. At some point you just know that the whole thing is going start collapsing and take some of your personal effects with it if you are not careful. Of course the whole thing is going to start when you are not home and it's bound to leave a mess. While no one knows exactly what that's like, I'm betting it's noisy. Of course somebody is going to call the cops, they always do and who needs that. But then we are right back where we started, we still don't know what that first thing was and I'm having trouble sleeping at night.


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