Here is The President's speech. (For Spanish ask your neighbor.) For the hearing impaired - read it!

"My Fellow Americans - For years we have considered ourselves distant enough from the rest of the world that we need not worry about events happening elsewhere. Only until travesties like Pearl Harbor or 911 were we incited enough to take an offensive posture against obvious threats.

Today all that has changed! Let history show that I may be a Lame Duck but no longer a Sitting Duck. We are taking the offensive to our enemies in a big way starting immediately, weather permitting.

I've notified the Joint Chief's of Staff that we are sending an Expeditionary Force of Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine, and Good Will Ambassadors on the first ever American Search and Destroy Mission to an Alien Nation.

A few days ago I was given notice of the color change in Jupiter's Little Red Spot. My Security Staff informs me there is no cause for alarm, which usually indicates there is cause for alarm.

I know from experience that when REDS are massing they are massing to attack. Other than Mars we are the only planet with people so it is logical to assume the Jupiterians are coming our way. As we like to say in Texas, 'We are going to head them off at the pass!'

I've armed our Shuttle Fleet with sophisticated weaponry including missiles, lasers, and machine guns, along with shields and cloaking devises, which although untested, show the potential to work well.

The Senator from New York has volunteered her husband to lead the expedition and asks that her 'sacrifice' be remembered on Election Day. As yet Bill is nowhere to be found, however he has become quite chummy with My Father lately, so they may be golfing somewhere?

Time is of the essence so I must end this news conference without questions. Have a nice day!"

Hinkly out!

Red Flag! $2.3 million dollars does not weigh 1.2 million pounds! DUH! She’d need a fleet of FedX trucks!

The woman pleaded guilty to stealing the money over 3 1/2 years from her employer, Great South Bay Surgical Associates, where she was a bookkeeper.

RED FLAG! You mean to tell me these guys never noticed 2.3 million dollars missing in over 3 years? I think I’ll apply for her job!

"I don't think I'll ever see anyone spend that much money again," said a shop assistant named Shawn, who works at the MK Cards Gifts and Cellphones store in Ronkonkoma, New York, where Donnelly bought her tickets. Contacted by telephone, he declined to give his last name.

RED FLAG! Let’s see – His name is Shawn and he works at the MK Cards Gifts and Cellphones store in Ronkonkoma, New York – He shouldn’t be too hard to find.

She faces at least four years in prison and could serve as many as 12 years after pleading guilty to grand larceny, the district attorney's spokeswoman said.

What is the big deal? This reporter interviewed her and she said she always planned to give the money back after she hit the lottery.

The judge is considering a plea in which she agrees to continue playing with her own money and hand over her winnings to cover her loses.

I think she needs to change her numbers!

Hinkly Out!