And they may come from the planet Narcissus.

They don't have pointy ears, or an extra thumb; it's more of a behavioral thing, a life-style, an attitude—they just don't act like you and me—they act differently.

They have certain characteristics, tip-offs that they are not one of us. You can tell by their shirt collar, which is usually up, the sunglasses on their head, maybe a set of keys in their hand, and they'll probably be carrying shoulder bag. They'll be talking about their tee time, or a lunch reservation or a massage, but whatever it is, it'll be important.

They all look like they couldn't operate a can opener without throwing their back out, and you will never see them punch a clock, or mow a lawn, change a tire or sit in the back seat of anything.

In restaurants, they change their table at least twice, and when they finally do sit down, they have them turn off the fan and bring them a new fork. Then they ask if the veal is fresh, and can they cook salt free and is the chef really Italian.

On airplanes, they stand in the aisle pulling stuff out of their bag, stick their head in the galley and ask for another scotch. They take six magazines, and push the flight attendant button because they can't figure out where to plug in the earphones.

And since they are not from this world, they are unaware that they act oddly, in fact, that very unawareness is what tipped me off in the first place. It appears to be the foundation of their existence, a sort of "Is there a problem?" attitude that their culture is based on.

Under the circumstances, I believe these visitors have been very patient with us; since it must be obvious to them we are slow in understanding their needs. They are generally pleasant beings, maybe a little aggressive at times, but they know how to talk to us, to cajole, to persuade, and to prevail.

And how, exactly do they prevail? Unfortunately, I haven't figured that part out yet. It may be the same way cats do it, the way they allow us to feed them and clean their litter box.

In addition to their heightened sense of entitlement, they have an implied need to be somewhere else, a tendency towards hypochondria, and constantly use the word "sorry," although I'm not convinced the concept of regret exists on Narcissus.

And, oh yes, they get headaches if they don't eat.

Still not sure you'd know one of these people? Does any of this sound familiar?

"Oh, I could never eat that. Oh, no, that's a small taxicab, we'll wait. Yes, pure cotton, it really breathes. Has that been frozen? Just drop the bags off in the room and bring me the key in the bar. Here buy yourself a cigar. That's not tap water, is it?"

"Oh, was that the last muffin? Sorry. I need the aisle or I'll get airsick. Could you open a window? Can you leave the car right in front? I'll only be a minute. If we don't eat soon, I'm going get a headache."

"Whoops, a draft, do you happen to have a throw, or a blanket? Is the exit row available? Need the legroom, bad knee. Mind if I cut in front? Kids in the car. Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to sit in the only comfortable chair in the room? You sure you don't mind? I have this back thing. Thanks, really, that's very kind of you."

"Can somebody get the bags from the trunk? Can you get my cleaning; it's on your way? Sorry, I just grabbed the first bottle I saw, and by the way your corkscrew fell apart in my hand. I tossed it for you. Can't help this time, must run. Ta-Ta."

Did that help?

Is there an alien from Narcissus type? Perhaps. I believe many of them are vegetarians or agnostics. I don't believe any earthly person would say: "Anything in this soup ever have a face?" or "God? Could be."

I think all actors are aliens, and opera singers, sports heroes, flight attendants, and anybody named Malcolm, Leslie or Dawn.

I frankly see no other explanation for this phenomenon, and if my theory is correct, if these people are from Narcissus, I think they should come out of the closet, step forward, declare themselves, and we should welcome them into our society, openly and freely.

Of course, we'd have no actual power over them, so we could never actually govern them or put them to work. We'd have to grant them a special status, something appropriate for their exalted station in life, like a royalty, a nobility, a modern aristocracy?

Why not? England still has royalty, although the kids seem a little inbred, and the now that the Kennedy's are gone, all we have left are a bunch of Texans.

The Monarchy of Me, Myself and I - not bad, it has a nice ring to it.