Characters:
LORRAINE and TONY - a middle-aged couple.
LORRAINE is noticeably overweight.
MANAGER - earnest, polite.
Set:
A Chinese restaurant
(AT RISE: LORRAINE and TONY are sitting at a table with the remains of a Chinese dinner. Chinese teacups and broken pieces of fortune cookie are in front of them. An ashtray and a plastic tray with the dinner check is on the table. LORRAINE and TONY sit at adjoining sides of the table. LORRAINE is crying into her napkin. TONY reaches over to pat and comfort her from time to time during the scene. MANAGER rushes up to table.)
TONY
Are you the manager?
MANAGER
I am, sir. What seems to be the trouble?
TONY
The trouble? Just look at my wife!
(to LORRAINE)
There, there, dear.
MANAGER
I'm sorry, sir, is there something I can...?
TONY
She's very sensitive. Lorraine's worked so hard to accept herself, to gain some self-esteem. Now this!
(louder sobs from LORRAINE)
: (to LORRAINE)
Now, now, dear, it will be all right.
: (to MANAGER)
This will set her back years!
: MANAGER
I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand.
: TONY
: (hands MANAGER fortune from cookie)
Read this!
: MANAGER
: (reading)
"Your overwhelming greed will be your downfall."
: (loud wailing from LORRAINE. TONY pats her back,
glares at MANAGER.)
: TONY
What kind of fortune is that to give to someone with a
: (lowers voice)
weight problem?
: MANAGER
I really don't know what to...
: TONY
We come here, have a nice meal, are relaxing, enjoying a cup of tea. We open our fortune cookies and... boom, Lorraine gets a slap in the face for dessert!
: MANAGER
I'm terribly sorry, sir. You have to believe me–I have no idea how that fortune got into...
: TONY
Who makes your cookies - an insult factory? Are they sorted into categories, so that when you have a customer with a weight problem, you can make sure she gets an appropriate insult? Do you wait for someone in a wheelchair to come in so you can choose a fortune that makes fun of the fact they can't walk?
: MANAGER
: (shocked and distressed)
We would never do that, Mr...
: TONY
: (pulls out card)
Symthe, Anthony Symthe, of Johnson, Johnson and Symthe.
: MANAGER
: (reading)
Personal injury lawyers!
: TONY
Yes.
: (snatches fortune out of MANAGER's hands.)
I'll keep that, thank you. As evidence. I'm planning to sue. For the severe emotional distress you caused my wife. To make sure no one else is subjected to such a thing!
: MANAGER
Surely, sir, that won't be necessary. I'm sure we can work this out.
: TONY
I don't think so.
: MANAGER
I assure you I will be on the phone with our supplier immediately and get to the bottom of this. It will never happen again.
: TONY
Well, I am glad to hear that.
: (gestures at LORRAINE)
But I'm afraid the damage is done.
: (to LORRAINE)
Don't worry, sweetheart, I'll get you out of here.
: (picks check off table, reaches for his wallet.)
Let me just pay the check.
: MANAGER
: (grabs the check out of TONY's hand.)
That won't be necessary, sir. I'll take care of it. Please, I insist. I beg you, sir. Our reputation is impeccable. We'd like to keep it that way. What happened was an unfortunate mistake. One we would be happy to remedy in any way possible.
: TONY
: (hesitating)
Well, perhaps...maybe, it really wasn't on purpose...I suppose I could...
: (searches for word)
reconsider. Your being so very responsive and all.
: MANAGER
I'd be more than grateful, Mr. Smythe.
: TONY
Mistakes do happen, I guess. You do do a nice Sechuan Lobster. And your crab in ginger sauce is superb.
: MANAGER
Specialities of the house, sir. Thank you. Please come back and try them again. Anytime. As our guests.
: TONY
That might be possible.
: (to LORRAINE)
I'll just get our coats, then, dear.
: (takes coatcheck out of pocket)
: MANAGER
: (takes coatcheck from him.)
Please, let me.
: (exits)
: TONY
: (looks at fortune in his hand, shrugs, crumples it
up, throws it in ashtray. Taps LORRAINE, to indicate MANAGER is gone. She looks up, stops crying abruptly.)
C'mon, let's get out of here.
: LORRAINE
: (straightens up, opens her purse, takes out compact,
peers into mirror, powders her face)
Genius, Tony. As usual. There's a Hunan place I've got my eye on for next week.
: (Closes compact, puts it away. From purse, takes out envelope stuffed with fortunes. She flips through them, picks one out, holds it up in front of her, considers it)
Hmm, for this one we'll get out the wheelchair.
: (reading)
"He walks tall who walks on his own two feet".
: (satisfied, she smiles, nods to herself, puts fortune
back in envelope, envelope in purse, closes purse.
LORRAINE and TONY stand, get ready to leave)
: (MANAGER returns with coats and a flower for LORRAINE. Helps TONY and LORRAINE with their coats, hands LORRAINE her flower. She smiles and nods to thank him. She links her arm through TONY's. Watched by MANAGER, they exit.)
: LIGHTS DOWN
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