Issue Schmissue
Paul Molyneux

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Once again, the corporate world has inflicted another crippling blow to the English language through its fruitless, desperate, seeking to sound educated and knowledgeable without the necessary training. This time, the new cliché at issue is issue.

Now we are to believe that this word is a synonym with problem. Any dictionary provides several definitions of the word, but no where can I find problem as one of them. If such a thing were to become legitimate, can you imagine some of the ambiguous situations? Warning! If you are vocabulary challenged, do not proceed without a lexicon.

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"Hello, Acme Plumbers? Come right away. I have an issue under the sink in my bathroom."

"What's the problem, Ma'am?"

"I just told you-an issue."

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"How many want to issue for pizza?"

"Not me. I have a serious issue with pizza."

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"Dear Editor, I have an issue with your current issue."

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"Once a month, I go to all my tenants to collect their issues.

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The doctor created an issue in his leg to relieve the issues he was having.

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Several spectators had issues with the issue from the trial.

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The purpose of debate is to have issues with issues.

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It seems that Mr. and Mrs. Jones are constantly having issues with their issue, so Children's Services got involved.

Now, if you have issues with understanding the preceding, then I shall issue you a reminder: You don't have issues-you have problems.

I rest my case.


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Paul Molyneux is from Baltimore, Ohio. Besides nearly 12 years with Laughter Loaf, Paul is retired from teaching and retail sales. His work has appeared in many publications, in print and online. He is also beginning a freelance photography career.


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